Simple Exercise to Build More Confidence

Ok, it turned out to be a bit more than a few words, but right now this is the best way I can explain this exercise. 😊 How can we build more confidence?

First of all, appreciate all your fears. As you start building up your confidence you are becoming more and more alive and experiencing things that you would otherwise not experience! Start slow and build up that confidence in baby steps! If I were to be cheeky, I would just take Nike’s slogan and say… Just Do It…whatever it is that you are afraid of doing. And if I were to be REALLY cheeky, I would take Sir Richard Branson’s (my favourite business person in the world) attitude and just suggest: ‘Screw it, let’s do it!’  …which, by the way is an absolutely brilliant book to read!!! Even though it is a business related one, and you may not be interest in business, the philosophy you could learn from reading that book is priceless…At the end of the day, only by doing things we can overcome any fear, but some of us have to start by building up some confidence first.

Please also read my other blog on challenges as it helps more about not seeing as much as overcoming fear but more like a fun thing to do of building up confidence, then it is not a challenge you set for yourself. >> How, participating in a challenge, affects what we attract into our lives

An easy way to remember how to do things that scare you, is from remembering that you have done things in the past that you feared, you did it anyway and you are still alive! So, great chance to staying alive from every experience that we fear doing…unless it’s to do with jumping off a cliff without a parachute, of course. Please be mindful that my examples are nothing to do with doing anything that is life threatening, but only to do with every day things in life. Like applying for a new job, asking someone out for a date, or buying a new car or booking a holiday we are not sure how to pay for yet…so on…nothing to do with risking lives in any shape or form.

If you are fearful for your life, please contact the relevant authorities where you live. If you are fearful calling the authorities, do some research on who could help you most and who could help you get out of a dangerous situation. You can use the exercises to help you weigh up your options too. I remember I was scared to call the police and many times I did not, but once I’ve managed to do it, we started to have a life free of abuse and violence. Was it difficult to pick up the phone? YES! but the alternative of not picking up was a lot more fearful. We always have a choice. Whether we do something or not, they are both choices we make.

It is true, by just doing things we don’t normally do, we can start building up our confidence. Do you recall the first time you jumped into a pool? Were you scared? Most probably…but you did it anyway as you knew that, by jumping in, you can also have lots of fun in the pool, so all the positive outcome that can only happen by you first jumping into the pool, overrode the fear you’ve had. When you jumped into that pool the next time, you felt more confident, and by the 10th time you didn’t event think, you just jumped!

But, I know it cannot be that simple for many people at the beginning as saying to you ‘Just do it! when they are absolutely terrified of the outcome of what they are trying to do. It can be paralysing to the point they stop living and they merely exist. How do I know??? I was one of those people after many years of abuse. I now understand that I had to go through all the abusive experiences, as I have attracted it all into my life, so please don’t feel sorry for me, I would not be the person I am today had I not gone through it and I like the person I am now …lol…😊 But with all that experience came, that I went from someone who used to be able to stand up in front of a few thousand people in seminars talking with those people, motivating them and helping them achieve their dreams to someone who forgot who she was and what amazing things she used to. There is of course a lot more to it but this is it in a nutshell. I questioned everything I was doing and even my existence when I was at my lowest in 2014. Until I met some wonderful people and they started helping me getting my confidence and my memory back, which then led me to other people … books, recordings, etc. …and so on.

I also understand that I had to allow all of this niceness back into my life again, which started by starting to believe that I deserve nice experiences and that I am a nice person. Before you say that ..hey Cindy, I never stood up in front of thousands of people so I cannot ever get my confidence back, please stop. That was my journey…yours is different, I know that BUT…we are / were naturally gifted with having access to 100% confidence, it’s given to all of us when we arrive on Earth.  Somehow, along the years of growing up, or when just one of something traumatic happens in our lives, it can either be ‘taken away’ in a flash, or it can slowly be ‘taken away’ from us through circumstances. We have a choice. We can blame our past, our circumstances, people in our lives, etc. or we can take control of our own life and start designing our future from this second on. It is all up to us! It doesn’t matter what techniques we learn, at some point, we have to stop all kinds of blame and simply start fresh. …kind of like press, Alt, Ctrl, Delete and restart our lives from fresh just as if you were restarting your computer when it stops functioning from all the cluttered open windows, etc…! 😊

So the point is that everyone has that natural confidence, we just have to find it again. Kind of like finding a pair to a sock that got lost in the washing machine, it may seem impossible to find, but when looked through all the pipes and nooks and crannies of the washing machine, we can find all of them! If it was a lost sock with a 10 carat diamond hidden in it, would you look for it???? Of course, and YOU WOULD FIND IT!! So, your life is so much more important than a 10 carat diamond, so by practising something simple, and it may take a few goes, but with practice, you can start having your confidence back.

I always remember when one of those nice people I have mentioned above, his name is Ray, told me after I asked a question…..You know all this Cindy, you just have to remember it again! May not be the exact words but very close. I had no idea what he meant but over time, my memory started to come back as I tried many things I was so afraid to do, but just did them all anyway as the alternative of not doing was a lot worse than what the outcome was after I did try. I came out of a very deep PTSD and step by step with a lot of help I am building a brand new life and am free of depression.

So, I could just say that same thing to you also, you know all this, you just have to remember it….as at the time I had no idea what Ray was referring to, and I have no doubt in my head that you can start remembering it.

Over time it became very clear…I used to have the confidence to override any fear I’ve had and when I did, so many beautiful things happened in my life. Over the past couple of years, I re-learned that we all have this natural in-built confidence but ‘life’ ‘helps’ us forget it. 😊 But guess what? Just as life can help us forget it, life can help us getting it back. How amazing is that?

So, how can you find that lost confidence relatively simple? By practicing different things to what you are doing now, starting with small things to get your belief system back and testing it with larger and larger things. That’s what I did and I am still building mine back. Some of you can do this faster than me some of you do it slower or at the same pace, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that these exercises work for me, they can work for everyone.

So, what is the exercise? I found this simple exercise very helpful.

Get a piece of paper. Draw a line with 1/3 into the page from the left. The right hand side space has to be a lot larger than the left, you are not  writing much on the left, you are using the right handside of the page a lot more. On top of the left side, write : what is the worst outcome I can think of when I do xyz and replace xyz with what you are trying to do. Then on the right hand side, write on top “What are the exact opposites to the worst outcome that I can think of when I do xyz, and the positive flow on effects of those opposites to the worst outcome”, again, replace xyz with whatever you are trying to do.  I say ‘opposite outcome to the worst outcome‘ as at the beginning you may not even know what the positives can be, but you CAN write opposites to a negative! And once you have a few opposites you can elaborate on them. SOOOO very important as when I started retraining my brain, I could not see any positives, but by coming up with opposites to the negatives, things started shifting. After a while this can be automatic.

Remember, you can do this exercise with anything you are having issues with, as long as it’s not something life threatening. The idea is to retrain your brain a bit so it can start to function more from the ‘I can do it’ range from the being afraid range.

NOTE: There are some rules. No words of …should, if, want, looking forward to, will….

The reason? ‘Should’ and ‘want’ reflect or suggest not having things in your life and the Universe gives you more of what you don’t have if you are paying attention to it. So, even though you think you are asking for something, it really is a complaint to the Universe that something hasn’t been given to you, which is not true…everything always given to us, if we just allow to receive!

‘Looking forward to’ and ‘I will’…can never happen as you will forever be looking forward to as the future always stays in the future and cannot ever be in the present so you just keep delaying things into an infinite never land.

‘If’…well, that is just simply confusing the Universe, in a way, it’s an insulting questioning of the Universe and suggesting that the Universe cannot really deliver everything which is really not true as the Universe CAN give us everything we desire, it’s just we are not in the receptive mode all the time for the good things we asked for, mostly because we don’t think we are worthy of receiving!  … so it’s just better to be clear away from using the word ‘if’ when we are attracting things into our life! 😊

Please do not use any dates of when you think the ‘delivery date’ is more appropriate for you, and stay away from describing in any way of how any of it happens. Don’t give any ideas as the Universe has ways of doing things that we cannot dream up and it’s so much fun allowing the fun ways to do things…So, just write up all your dreams and desires all as a factual thing, describing as it is already happening and start feeling what it feels like to have done it already and experiencing all of the positive outcome as a result of doing xyz.

The most important thing is…

…to start with something simple to start to retrain your brain; by tackling big fears to start with, it can have a negative effect as where you are at and where you are aiming for is too much of a gap and the energy levels start fighting, so please start with something small and build larger and larger things. You may have heard the green light and the parking situation exercises. Next time you drive somewhere, imagine that you do get all the green lights. Or when you go to a busy place, imagine getting a parking spot as soon as you drive in to that parking lot. In time, you do get green lights all the way through and you do get that parking space almost instantly, even if others are driving around 10 minutes to get one! Every time you get the green light and the parking space, just say thank you!

When you get the hang of that, your belief system starts working so you can start on other things too. It’s best to do this in writing with your hand, not on the computer. Handwriting can have a lot more connection between what you write and with your brain so it can be more effective. Also, don’t just think this all up in your head, but write it out. This is your life you are designing and you do deserve the time you get to invest for doing these exercises. You do not have to share the details with anyone, especially important, try not to share it with people who would have negative thoughts to add.

So, let’s assume, you are going to a job interview that you fear, but you can really replace the job interview with whatever you fear:

Left hand side can be: I will not get the job and I will be very embarrassed. That’s it. (By the way, in this context, you can use ‘will‘ so the negatives always stay away from you! ) Please do not go into anymore details. Simply spend as much time on this as what your first instinct tells you when you ask the question, and stop your brain after one or the most, two examples. This cannot be longer than maybe 20 seconds, preferably, less than that.

You always attract what you give attention to, so be mindful of what you give attention to. If you write a lot of what you are scared of, your mind cannot shift from there and you keep being fearful.

Then on the right hand side, you can write the exact opposite of what you wrote on the left. So, in this case: I got the job and I am very proud of myself.

Then you simply start dreaming, and on this part spend at least 2 minutes, but you can just go on and on with this for more and the more you can write on this side the sooner things can start happening …what else can you think of, by getting that job gives you? By just writing things out, you can already start feeling more confident!

You can write anything, it is your DREAM, I know that at that time it is not reality just yet, BUT you ARE creating your new reality! Imagine you are writing a script to your new life. PLEASE do not worry about how it everything gets done, just write as much as you can of what positive outcomes you can think of!!! Please fill in that space on the right hand side and then get extra pages and keep writing! The more you can dream up the quicker this can start working for you.  It may be that you cannot think of anything for yourself, so imagine you are helping your friend but your friend has the same name as what you do…LOL. Important that the Universe knows who to deliver to, and interfering with other’s free will is just not on, and you would expect the delivery in your life, wouldn’t you! 😊 You are loved and you are worthy of all nice everything you’d like!

So, for a job example, you can start with something like this, as you already have: I got the job and I am very proud of myself.

You can start elaborating on it, here are a few examples:

With my new job:

• I can start paying my bills again on time. By being able to pay my bills on time, I have better sleep. With my better sleep, I am happier overall during the day.
• I can write a cheque to the gas company as soon as the bill arrived, the same with all my bills.
• My fridge is free of unpaid bills and is decorated with family photos and pretty pictures instead! My favourite photo is xzy.
• My new job is Monday to Friday and it frees up my weekends, it gives me the flexibility of choosing fun activities to do over the weekends in my free time.
• As I have some extra money left over after paying my bills on time, I can now go for small outings and spend quality time with my family over the weekends. Helps me decorate my fridge even more!
• I have started to have some savings as I decided to start up a savings account and I am putting a small portion of my new income towards buying a new home! I imagine my new home is ….(describe your dream home here)
• I am fitting out my new home with new furniture, it is so much fun to decorate my new home!
• In my new home, there is so much more space so I can have more friends over more often. It is so important to me to spend time with friends and family.

So, I guess you get the idea! Just write as much as you can in here in this same format; stop when you start to get the feeling of this could never happen. Don’t force it just build up on it. The aim is not to get everything perfect at first but just slowly building up your confidence. After you have finished writing all the positives, then simply give things a go. Remember, so far you have survived everything else you have ever tried to do. Maybe once you were afraid of going to the shops all by yourself, or take public transport, or buy a pet as you didn’t know whether you can look after it and so on…

The trick is to be OK with the outcome, whatever that may be. Even if you don’t get the job. Why? It could be for so many reasons… one could be, because you were not meant to get THAT job, there may be a better one just around the corner that pays double the salary, or it may give you more flexibility, or it may be closer to your home so less commuting, etc… as what this one you just went for and you would not get the opportunity on the better one for you, if you got this one. This one that you missed out on, was maybe just a practice for how to conduct yourself in an interview, so you are then readier for the better paying one…and so on, possibilities are endless of why you would not get one job over the other and you can go crazy by trying to figure out that something that you can never figure out so why spend precious energy?

PLEASE don’t overthink it as by overthinking, you stop living in the now …so, instead, just say thank you for the experience (not a lesson, but for the experience) and just go with the flow.

Why not say thank you for a lesson? Here’s my theory on lesson vs experience…If it was a lesson, it means we did something wrong with the knowledge we had, but nothing can be further from the truth. I do not believe we have lessons in our lives as we are all doing the very best we can do with all the knowledge we have access to, at any given time. I believe that everything is an experience we have requested from the Universe and had the pleasure to go through. Also, lesson has kind of a negative feel to it opposed to an experience so by default, experience brings more positives into our lives.

But, again, don’t overthink it all…when you overthink anything, you stop the natural flow of abundance. So, just go in with the best intentions, expect the very best outcome by writing down all the many wonderful things you can think of about having that new experience in your life that you’d like to try, and you do get the very best outcome for you at that time. As you practice this more and more, you are gaining more and more confidence.

By writing down all the positive outcomes as described above in the examples, you are already building up your confidence by starting to shift your brain to think about positives and you are activating it all in the Universe to come to you and it’s just a matter of time of when it all arrives, you just then simply allow it all to come to you. 😊

Try not to tackle your biggest fear first, start out with some smaller things to help you gain your confidence back step- by-step.  I am still working on mine also, building up more and more by doing bigger and bigger things. Give yourself time and congratulate yourself for every effort you make, whether you succeed or not!!! By just giving it a go, you are already succeeding!

Enjoy the process! 😊

 

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